Nov 27, 2007

Characters that are present at Jewish Simchas

A blogger who goes by the title of 'Blog in D Minor' has a series of character sketches of people that he came across while playing music at various Jewish simchas.

Peeps from Da Hood - The NY Simcha Scene
Here are short sketches of some of the characters we've run across recently who populate the NYC simcha scene.

1) The Carlebach Purist
2) The rude Yeshiva Bachur
3) The drunk Yeshiva Bachur
4) The spaced-out bandleader
5) The pompous Rosh Yeshiva
6) The dance Nazi

1) The Carlebach Purist is the person who comes over to criticize the band for playing/singing a Carlebach tune differently than Shlomo did....
6) The dance Nazi is the woman who has requests for line dances no one else in the room knows, and who wants them played at much faster than normal tempi. She has a huge repertoire of "hits" from the early to mid-nineties that she wants to dance to, and there's no way she's going to let the musical needs of the party prevent her from getting all of them.
Read more here...

More Characters:

like the....

"Business Card Lady"

"Business Card lady is a piece of work. A shadchan, she's having a conversation with a potential client right in front of us. She soon realizes she'll need to take some information down. Her first question to us, "Do you have a card?", is immediately followed up with "Do you have a pen?" Classy. Get your scrap paper elsewhere, lady!

And the ..."Mr. Bluetooth"

"Mr. Bluetooth" defines his self importance by the fact that he has... you'll never believe this... a wireless earpiece for his cell phone. He carries himself proudly, making sure all can notice his awesome accessory. Um, hello! It's like, a wedding. Of someone you presumably care about. You can take your Bluetooth earpiece out, you know. It won't hurt, promise. No guarantees about not suffering withdrawal though.

As this idea caught on, his readers send in some additional characters and the list of characters that populate the Jewish simcha scene is probably bigger than your average Jewish simchah.

Here is the complete list of 'Peeps':

---There's a similar list in the Bangitout blog.---
It's called "Top 10 People Needed to Make a Successful Jewish Wedding."
This list was also greatly expanded upon by reader comments.

10. Super Shtikman: We all know about the average shtik of plastic hats and glittery bowties, but this person comes out in the full body gorilla suit or the bekesha, payos, and streimel.

9.The Slimer: When joining the circle, you sometimes join hands with this man. He makes sure to coat your hand (or shoulder) in a layer of sweat. (CAUTION: Do not participate in fast circle dancing when in contact with Slimer. The dancing speed will overcome his slippery hold and you will be flung out of the circle falling on your face).

8. The Progressive: This relative of the chassan/kallah brings all male and female family members into the inner circle to dance, to the dismay of some frummer folk.

7. The Hoarder: This person (preferably an older married female) immediately lays claim to the table's centerpiece and puts two benchers away before the meal has started.

6. The Faster: This person has refrained from eating for over twenty four hours in anticipation of gorging himself at the shmorg (NOTE: There is no limit to the number of fasters. Usually 50% of the guests fill this position).

5. The Drummer: This person adds musical depth to the chassan's tisch by treating the table as a drum. His virtuoso talent makes use of his hands, elbows, and even shoulder in doing the appropriate table-drum solo.

4. The YoYa-ologist: This person has taken dancing YoYa to the next level. Instead of the standard holding hands and kicking legs in a big circle, he jumps in the middle with his own patented version that uses a mix of jumping jacks, spinning around, and large claps over the head and
below the legs.

3. The Entertainer: This person leads the entertainment of the chassan and kallah. His break dancing far outweighs your leg flailing with two other friends

2. Waterboy: This person supplies the chassan/kallah with water. The proper procedure is to have a full glass of water so half of it can spill on the floor before reaching the chassan/kallah.

1. .Random Walker Down the Aisle: This person was late to the chupah and the only way he could get to a seat is to sneak down the aisle trying not to look like he is part of the procession, but drawing plenty of attention anyway.

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